From the time we’re born until the time we die, our day’s are filled
with negotiating.  It starts, literally, when we’re born (I’ll stop
crying if you’ll feed me and change my diaper,) and continues on
throughout life.  We negotiate with our bosses, our employees, our
children, our spouse, the guy at the grocery store, and everyone in
between.

Some people are good negotiators, some aren’t.  It’s interesting
when you make a statement like that that you’re supposing everyone has
the same definition of “good” or “bad” negotiator.  Some people think
always getting what they want (regardless the cost to the other party)
makes them a good negotiator.   Some think we can’t offend anyone
during a negotiation or it is a failure.

Here are my thoughts on negotiating successfully:

1.    The final result has to be fair for everyone. 
I know many people will disagree, but when you look at the broad
spectrum of people you negotiate with, this is a good benchmark.  For
example, if you negotiate ruthlessly with your spouse, always getting
your way (or what you want,) it won’t be long before she refuses to
ever negotiate with you again.  That refusal often takes the form of
divorce papers.  People in business feel the same way.  If you
constantly take advantage of others, they’re soon going to quit doing
business with you.  And the reputation that comes from that can be
far-reaching.

2.    A negotiation can be successful even if we can’t reach an agreement. 
If we can’t find a solution that’s fair to both of us, we can simply
decide to walk away.  It’s better for both of us to walk away friends
than to do a deal where one of us feels abused and the business
relationship suffers.   Walking away with a handshake and a smile is
always preferable to taking unfair advantage of someone else or vice
versa.

3.    Don’t let your emotions get the best of you. 
Go into a negotiation with the idea that you are going to try and get
everything you reasonably can and the person on the other end is going
to do the same.  So don’t be surprised when that’s what happens.  Even
when someone is blatantly trying to take you to the cleaners, getting
upset will solve nothing.  If you feel yourself starting to get angry,
take a timeout and decide if you want to continue.

4.    Act in such a way that your business reputation is going to be intact after the negotiation is over. 
If you do something unscrupulous, it won’t be long before everyone in
your industry (and beyond) knows about it.  Nothing you gain in a
single negotiation is worth what you can lose in the grand scheme of
things.  It’s tantamount to winning a battle, but losing the war.  The
“winning at all costs” mentality may be more damaging than you know.

These have been a few ideas.  Of course this isn’t a comprehensive
list.  Nor does it deal with “how-to” negotiate.  These are guidelines
I use in dealing with others, nothing more.  The negotiators I admire
most are those who always bargain in good faith.  They’re tough, but
not underhanded or ruthless.  They won’t let anyone take advantage of
them, but they’re not trying to take advantage of others either.  They
are creative in their approach to the challenges of the negotiation and
work hard to come up with a solution that meets everyone’s needs.  As
Kenny Rogers would put it, they know when to hold up and when to fold
up.

Negotiating with integrity and honor is an art form.  Learning,
developing and improving your skills in this art will benefit all
aspects of your life.   If you don’t know what kind of negotiator you
are, ask someone you’ve negotiated with in the past how they perceived
your negotiating style.  You just might learn something important.