I still remember the interview I had the first time I was up for CEO.  I was in my late twenties and arrogant enough to think I could really do the job.  We had talked some.I had sold myself.  We had talked some more, and the owner had waxed quiet.  He sat and stared at me as intently as anyone I have ever seen before or since.  After what seemed an eternity of his eyes burning increasingly larger holes in my, I asked, “So, what exactly are you thinking right now?”

His reply surprised and somewhat confused me.  ”I am wondering if you have the ability to be alone,” he said.  Now, I don’t know about you, but I immediately wondered, “What does he mean?  Do I have to do this job from some remote island or something?  What does he mean?”  So being brash (and not willing to endure the curiosity one more minute, I asked, “What do you mean, ‘be alone?’”

“Well,” he replied,  ”I know you have the talent to do the job.  I know you have the leadership skills.  I know you have good judgment and that you’re honest and your integrity is above question.”  At that point I’m thinking,
“Okay, I’m qualified, just give me the job.”  But then he continued, “But what I can’t decide is whether you have the ability to be alone.”

There it was again.  Did I have the ability to be alone?  ”What exactly do you mean?”  I asked again.  This was his response and it has stuck with me all these years.  He stood at the white board in my office and began to draw.  He drew a triangle with the point facing up.  He put a dot in the middle.  ”If you’re here,” he said, “You have all these people (indicating everyone who was above that dot) to communicate with.  You can talk to them, complain to them, ask questions from them — whatever you want.  If you’re here,” he said drawing a dot right next to the top, “You still have at least a couple of people you can talk to.  If you’re here,” he said, drawing a dot right on the tip top of the triangle, “You are all alone.  You have no one to talk to.  Nobody to complain to.  Nobody to be your mentor.  You are all alone.  You make the hard decisions and then reap the accolades or storms that grow out of them.  You decide who stays and who goes in hard times, taking the brunt of those decisions.  You set the direction for the company for better or worse.  But through it all, you’re alone.  What I’ve wondered and what I’m still wondering, indeed what I’m asking you right now is, do you have the ability to be alone?”

I assured him I did, citing times when I’d been mostly alone, and assuring him I could do it.  But deep in my heart I wondered if I could be all alone in difficult times.  Since that time, I have learned I do have the ability to be alone.  And through the years as I’ve had the opportunity to hire new managers I have asked that same question.  What I know from my own experience is that many people think they can be alone, but they really can’t.  It is lonely and it is difficult and different than you think.  But on the other hand, it can be tremendously rewarding as well.  But until you’ve stood naked to wind, face into the whirlwind, you probably have no idea whether you have what it takes to be truly lonely.  Entrepreneurs have it.  CEO’s have it.  Many middle managers have it.  But many don’t.  How about you?  Do you have the ability to be lonely?